24 and a Day

So, I turned 24 yesterday...and like always, I don't feel any different. :\

What do I usually do when the big 10-29 rolls around? I usually sit down and compare my thoughts, feelings, situations to the many 10-29's of years past. I reflect on the things that I may have upgraded or downgraded to be. So let's see...

-I'm still not used to being stared at whenever I go in public. (Am I really that much of an oddity?)
-I would still rather stay in and vegetate rather than go to the mall on a regular basis.
-I find that I have an increasing urge to travel this country or any other.
-I am more world weary as compared to my last year starry-eyed self.
-As always, the only birthday memories that stand out are during my 18th and 22nd celebrations.
-I'm still wishing that something special would happen.

Usually people would ask me what I want for my birthday. The thing is...I don't want to have to be asked what I want for my birthday or what I want it be like. I'd like to believe that those around me would know me well enough to know what I would like.

Now, at 24, it's like a pebble has sank into my heart.
I'm an endless romantic in an unromantic life.

Or so it seems so far.
What I haven't given up on (and isn't likely to change) is hope. I always hope for the best and I know it'll always get better. ♥

Sentimental Me

I had recently gotten into photo shopping and such and I while I was studying the different styles and such, I suddenly missed my dear friend, Donna. So D, I made this one for you!

Relocated, Relieved and Some Others

So, it's been an interesting couple of days. B and I got moved to another room as the room that he and I had occupied previously garnered some complaints from the neighbor. Something about me and B being too noisy or some other. Usually, that would bother me and they probably have a right to complain. Mum says the neighbor's daughter is the one that complains. The neighbors daughter is a nursing student aka she's needs sleep like a sponge takes in water. So B and I really try to be quiet when we have our talks 'til morning episodes. Yet, apparently, nursing girl has other complaints. This time, our BED is too noisy.

Wow. Why don't you go buy us a different bed then, eh? Turns out neighbor girl got herself knocked up. Wow. No wonder she lacks sleep. So she is now dubbed 'Ms. Statistic'.

So in order to avoid Ms. Statistic from miscarrying and bringing forth drama, we did get relocated to a different room. No problems, this room is a lot colder. I try to not think about how Ms. Statistic's kid will be making a hell of a lot of fuss when it pops out.

I find that I don't like kids unless they're my own or belong to those I care about. Yes, I'm a blunt about that.
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So B and I got settled into our new room. It's helluva cold so I got no complaints. It serves as a good distraction from other thoughts in my head that demand attention.
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Congratulations to my dearest friend Cyn for bringing forth a lovely baby boy into this world. Thank goodness that you and the little one are safe. I have to say I nearly had a heart attack when your water broke while I was talking to you.
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Paycheck got in yesterday so I am one happy girl ♥
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I'm glad that my friend finally knows the truth. She really doesn't deserve the shit you put her through. One would think that you'd buck up and prove that you deserve her rather than shrug, brood, be all emo and feed your self image of being a tragic character.
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My ni-chan's birthday is coming up on the 17th so I better think of a present to get him. Ü

So Many Thoughts Too Early

I cannot say that "I haven't written lately" as my job requisites that I be able to express critical and original thought daily. Yet, why do I feel so constricted? It is an intangible feeling of being bound by something that I cannot see or feel. Yet I know it is there. I wonder if it has something to do with the silence that I have imposed upon myself lately. I have opted to quiet my thoughts, to focus upon myself and my immediate surroundings.

For a while, I was able to feel a bit of peace. It was...lovely. I suppose. Yet even with the lull of peace in my thoughts, it was there, it the pit of my stomach--the knowledge that I am frustrated about something again.

Is it something new? Is it something that has always been with me? The disquiet in my soul stirs much thought. I have that urge again, to close my eyes and imagine endless fields...to see myself running across them with not a care for the world. How I wish it was so. That I could spread my arms and run as carefree and as fast as my stubby legs could manage.

My mother will be returning from her vacation tomorrow. I'm certain that she has many a wonderful tale to share.

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I've always been proud of the fact that I am most honest when I am writing. I wonder if there is anything else that I wish to say...

Yes. There is.

I am...angry.

To what it is directed at, I am uncertain.

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There is a dull ache I bear. The kind that doesn't leave...at least, not permanently. Why do I feel so unsettled? I would be simple if I could just stop caring about things that people tell me aren't important anyway. Yet I often find myself wondering, who are they to tell me what is or isn't important? Our minds aren't the same. What if the things they deem to be a nuisance are focal interests to me?

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I feel that there is a ruthlessness in me that I am not surprised nor wary of.

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Artifice. Pretense. Sleight. Stratagem.

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I want you to burn.

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Time of me to take a deep breath.