Bee's Wax. Your Own. Mind It, Why Don't You?

I'm a firm believer of live and let live. I don't particularly care what you do with your own time provided that you aren't being a nuisance. That's generally how I operate. I keep to myself and stay out of everyone else's business. Less friction that way. Of course should the social niceties be necessary, I do what I can to make sure there's an easy flow to things.

In the office setting like mine, much interaction isn't really necessary. It is welcome, sure but one can survive without talking to anyone at all. Correspondence is done through email. The person that you'll most likely talk to a lot is either your seatmate or your team leader. People do keep to themselves. But no, my feathers just had to be ruffled today. If there is anything I dislike the most it is when people stick their noses where they don't belong.

I don't go about commenting on what other people do. What gives you the right to comment on what I do? Bakit, naiistorbo ba namin kayo? Dun ba kami sa harapan niyo nagkukulitan? Affected ba ang output niyo? *takes a deep breath*

What I dislike is when:

1.) You meddle in my affairs.

2.) When you have a problem with me, you do not approach me about it.

Seriously, what is up with that? Bleargh. Yeah, that's right. BLEARGH! Wag naman kayong masyadong affected dyan.

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Meh. Enough of that crap. Today was pretty good. I managed to do a lot of work and I don't feel tired at all. My body clock is used to waking up around 7 am and that's just fine with me. Personally, I do like the fact that I commute to work. I get to walk 6 blocks to Madrigal every morning that makes sure that I'm awake and alive for work. My legs are back in shape!! Woo!

So yes, despite the daily attempts at fuckery that life throws at me, I still have it pretty awesome. So I can't really complain. I'm quite thankful for all the little things. Y'know things like:

• Being gifted with Choco Mallows so early in the day (Thank you, Caleb. I still haven't eaten that Meji Black you gave me yesterday. Remind me to eat that.)
• My dad giving me a call (while I was at work) just to make yabang that he has hardbound copies of A Game of Thrones and its succeeding books.
• My kuya giving me a call twice (still while I was at work) to make a bit of small talk about his apparently successful fishery.
• My cousin Joanne giving me a call (I do tend to get a lot of phone calls while at work, yes?) to say that she'll be passing by for me at the office so I have a ride home.
• Scrumptious dinner waiting for me at the table.
• Internet time. (Despite the fact that FB's new layout totally bugs the hell outta me.)

So yeah, I have tons to be thankful for. :)

Jessa Turns Eighteen!

Finally managed to gather enough energy to make this post. I'm totally tuckered out but I have the biggest grin on my face! I had just finished saying my goodbyes to Caleb and sent him on his way to play some Clix in town. So now I'm just laying in bed, recovering my strength. My feet totally hurt but I don't mind it in the least! Yesterday, instead of a usual caffeinated Saturday, the crew and I went to Tavern in BF for Jessa's 18th birthday party.

I really like Tavern's ambiance. Already went there before for that Rap Battle thing that Von and Crystal were handling. We didn't get to stay though, had to get out of there before CJ's laughter couldn't be held in anymore. Their buffet was good! The sweet and sour fish was really my pick of the night. I had poor Caleb go and grab me some seconds! (Thank you, btw. You were such a sweetheart about it too) I totally liked the company that Jessa got for her photobooth. The company's name is Cob's Photo Toy Box. I really liked their service! The props are adorable and their printing is very efficient! Also, upload time is so fast! They have a guarantee that your photos will be uploaded the same day after the event. Isn't that just grand? So speaking of photos, here are some of me and the crew!

It was a lot of fun! Jessa's dad is a kwela guy. Now I know where Jessa gets her kulit from! Happy Birthday, Jessa! Have many more to come! ♥

Some Thoughts Before Goodnight

Yeah, like this thing says, I'll be going to bed in a bit. I just couldn't resist making a post since I haven't written anything in a while. I was reading back on the previous entry and it seems that I've broken one of my blogging rules. I had promised a long time ago to never write while upset. Then again, if I didn't I wouldn't have the chance to be as honest as I am during those times. Emotion isn't exactly pretty. It all depends on who's looking at it, I suppose. Anger may make others cringe but to those who think it is justified, it isn't that bad. Happiness could make some feel the same way. So if we shouldn't let emotions take over when we're sad (lest we end up doing stupid things), does that same protocol also apply when we're in the throes of great happiness?

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While walking home tonight, I came upon a Korean family taking a night stroll. It was lovely to see a husband holding hands with his wife while keeping a watchful eye on their children. A girl and a younger boy. It reminded me of my family before Mattie was born; we had needed to take strolls then for mother's health (her OB had told her she needed to walk to help ease the forthcoming delivery). It was fun seeing them and a bit melancholic on my end since those days have obviously come and gone. So now I can only look forward to doing that when I have my own family.

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Office was fun today. Renovations had been sort of done so seating was a free for all. Although it isn't permanent, I'm very happy that I get to be beside you. Yes, even if we weren't able to talk on the phone tonight, I'm still very happy. (You really do need your rest, you worrywart.)

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Tomorrow is another day. More walking (Yay for exercise!), more work (yay for money!), and more you (♥).

Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

I had wanted to make a post about yesterday but Alain's net stick was mucking up, so here I am with yesterday's news -- well, today. Yesterday, my kuya had mentioned that he had wanted to run some errands in town like paying Metrobank for his NSO birth cert (which should arrive soon or else I'm going to have to be the one to follow it up.), book a ticket to Davao, and renew his license. Bon had taken her car out early in the morning so it looked like it was a commute for us. I didn't mind, I'm used to it. (I'm rather fond of walking.) Kuya was a bit apprehensive of it, I suppose. It had rained unexpectedly so our trip was slightly delayed but as soon as the skies had cleared, we were off. The commute had turned out to be a full-on walk-a-thon to town. (Good thing I wore flip-flops!)

We got to Metrobank just in time for another huge downpour. After that one, we stayed a while at Starbucks where kuya treated me to my fave. It was odd for me to realize that I really had nothing to say to him. He was doing all the talking. When he had run out of things to say, he started to play with his phone. I have had more conversation with Mattie than my brother. I realize that each time kuya wanted to talk, it was just that: him talking and me listening.

Anyway, the rain had stopped a bit and crossed the street to BPI then headed to the 3rd floor to get his ticket booked. He'll be going back to Davao on Friday. Am I going to be taking him to the airport? No. I've been thoroughly desensitized with my family's comings and goings. After that, Bon picked us up for grocery shopping at Festival. Then dinner at a little hole in the wall Jap place by Save More.

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Today. There wasn't much that had happened today other than talking with him on the phone. A discussion about my ambition (which is apparently nonexistent), my passion (which is apparently fleeting), and my total apparent deadma to having the things I want taken from me. Taken away by what is, according to you, irrelevant. So, okay.

I had wanted to be a figure skater so I had taken up ballet and soon after a bit of gymnastics but certain events that had happened made that plan into a bust. I still loved to dance so after moving to Davao, I kept at it until I realized that it bought unwarranted attention so that was a bust. Soon after, I tried my hand at competitive swimming. I found that I was very good at it but my school at the time, forbade me from ever joining any competition that did not represent them so that was also a bust.

I took time off from everything and realized that what I did want most was to be a mom and a wife. I wanted to have my own happy family by the time I hit twenty-five. I actually thought that I was going to get it since I got engaged and was on the family way. For the first time in a very long time, I thought I was finally going to get something I wanted. Then the miscarriage happened. Months after that, the engagement/relationship ended.

So you tell me. What should I strive for at this point? After a lifetime of everything I wanted going up in flames before my eyes, how are you going to tell me that I shouldn't give up? How can you tell me that I shouldn't just accept things being taken away when it's all that I've been able to do? Who are you to tell me things when we both know there's a 'possibility' of you going away. There's a very real possibility of you being another thing that I want that's 'taken' away. What do you expect me to do? Beg you to stay? I give myself freely and never ask a thing in return. What more do you want from me...?

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I have no idea what tomorrow may bring me. Frankly, I don't think of it much. I live for today. Things may come, things may go. All I'm left with is me.

Revamp

It's been a while since I updated the look of this blog. I'm sure that so much more could be done with it but I find myself contented with how it appears presently. I woke up early today. It was an entirely pleasant thing to be woken up by a gentle breeze, the delightful chirping of birds, and the gentle warmth of the sun on my face. I sit in my little corner after fixing up my bed and lighting up a tea candle beneath the little bowl where I placed a few drops of vanilla oils and some water.

I sit quietly as I watch the comings and goings of my brother and my cousins. They do, after all, have to make their daily stop in my bathroom for their morning ablutions. My bathroom having the only working heater (for now) puts the pressure that my room must always be orderly. Mahirap na. Baka may masabi pa diba? I thank my cousin Joanne for lending me some splendid curtains for my room. She also took the time to arrange things that met the approval of the uncles.

There must be some distinct pleasure for her in arranging the little and big things. Suffice to say that this entry's tone is much affected by my reading of Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility. (Thank you, Caleb for getting me a copy! I'll treasure it most dearly.) It has been a while since I've just sat down, stared out the window, and reflected upon my life. I daresay that my life so far has been a far pleasant affair despite the conundrums that have occurred thus far. Right now I'm just leaning against my favorite wall, with my eyes closed, listening to my father's voice as he converses with my elder brother downstairs. The architecture of this house was done in such a way that the family could contact each other quite easily. I suppose there is much to be desired with regard to the family's privacy; it being so easily accessible to anyone who would place their eyes upon the catwalk.

No matter. This house has been in the family for years and years. It has certainly seen a huge chunk of the drama that has unfolded through the years. Oh, if only these walls could talk! What secrets would they share?

Last night, the family gathered to read grandmother's last will and testament. It was certainly...intense. To be sure, the Hodreals are a dynamic bunch. They could never be in one place too long without tempers flaring or there be an issue being born. I am thankful to be part of the new generation wherein communication is no problem. All the cousins certainly go out of their way to reach out and talk to each other. We've certainly done our share in getting along.

I find myself truly fortunate despite everything. I have come out stronger from all my trials. I find myself to be in a precious scenario where I love passionately and am loved quite equally in return.

Things can only get better from here.