Today, I did a lot of thinking. Actually, lately, it seems that thinking is all I do. I wanted to assure myself that I'm still on a track that I recognize or approve of.
A lot of things have changed with me. I noticed that I've become unhappy a lot. I've become a lot more irritable and I mostly blow up at B. I refuse to talk to him whenever I get upset and he patiently waits for me to calm down every time. A lot of the time I think to myself that I have every right in the world to be upset. But while in the midst of the selfish reverie, I notice that, that is exactly what I've become.
Selfish
I've lived my life for myself. I've done things as I deemed necessary or upon a whim. And I've continued to do so. I've always hated to having my freedom clipped or to not have choices. I realize that it's stupid of me really to want so much. I'm not saying it's bad or anything. It's never bad to want things. It's only when you continue to pine for things at the expense of yourself or others...that's when it becomes a problem.
I love B. I always have and I probably always will. There are so many things about him that annoy me from time to time. He's always honest about his priorities even though they may not be the best interest at the time. And it constantly annoyed me. How he'd be off in his happy little world comprised of bikes or games or both. I was always frustrated that it seemed that I was the one who had to deal with the nitty-gritty of life. What are our plans? Where will be 5 years from now?
I'd always say that I'm tired of everything. Of being responsible for everything and I get even crabbier at him. Then I realize that I am tired a lot of the time because I tried to tackle things solo. But a relationship isn't about doing things as one sees fit or proper. A relationship is a clash of ideals and ideas. Two people that have different thoughts and perspectives that despite it all, manage to get along and move forward. Sometimes it comes out all wrong but other times it comes out as one of the most wonderful things ever.
I really should stop shouldering everything by myself. That's why I have B with me. I told him a long time ago that even though there was a lot about him that may get on my nerves from time to time, it isn't my job to try and change him. That's up to him. It's just up to me to understand him and figure out if it's all worth it. If it isn't, cut your loses and get out. What's the point of the hassle if you don't even think its worth it?
Despite our differences, we've come a long way. 21 months of relationship, over 7 years of friendship between us.
We really can't make people change. But it is a wonderful thing if those people change little nuances about themselves to better the situation or the relationship because you're worth it.
I really don't know where the future leads for myself and for him. We will always have arguments but it will always be overshadowed by the laughter and the abject stupidity that he and I share.
It is terrifying to share so much of myself to another person but what's life without a little fear?
I love you, B. Happy 21st month.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
2010
It's been a while. So many things have happened since my last post. It would be rather ridiculous if nothing had happened before then. Don't you agree? So, let's try to see what I remember of the year so far.
Hey, God? Thanks.
- I got engaged. Boogie proposed to me February 26, 2010. We've been talking about marriage and such but who'd have thought it would happen this soon? Not that I have complaints or anything. :)
- I got pregnant. Seems that I've been pregnant since December 2009. Boogie was ecstatic! I've never seen him happier. He made such a fuss at the first ultrasound. He was jumping up and down and talking in a very loud obnoxious voice. I cried when I first saw it. It looked like an egg more than anything but there it was. Our precious little baby. Due around September 29 of 2010
- I moved in with Boogie's family. Since I was staying by myself it was only logical that I move in with them. Boog's mom was such an angel about it. I remember when Boogie broke the news she ran all over their house yelling 'Grandkid! Grandkid!' at the top of her lungs.
- I got sick a lot. But I suppose that only natural given my condition. I was ordered to absolute bed rest. Who'd have thought I'd be the type to have a sensitive pregnancy?
- Boog and I decided to move to Davao for the remainder of my pregnancy. Manila life was totally stressful, it seems. It was hard to say good-bye to all our friends but we figured that it'll only be 'bye for a little while'. After all, Earl and Kail had promised to come visit after I had given birth. So did a bunch of other people. :)
- A few weeks after we arrived in Davao, I got very, very sick. I was rushed to the hospital. Everything was a blur. I was in isolation most of my stay there. I thought everything was going to be okay...but in the end, our daughter, Magsie, couldn't make it. She was only 6 months in the womb...she looked exactly like her dad. The same eyes and the same nose. But she had my complexion, she was really fair. The family was really a pillar of strength at this time. Seeing Boogie cry over Magsie broke my heart. The day was June 6, 2010 at 10:44 pm.
- I'm quite recovered, physically, anyway. The heart will take longer to heal.
- I'm torn. We haven't quite decided if we're returning to Manila soon. But Boogie has plans on perhaps returning there and working for a few months if not longer. But we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
- I get to work again. My bosses have been nice enough to allow me to work from home. I hope they can let me keep at it but I know that it would unreasonable to ask for that.
- I'm still engaged. We've been together since December 2008 and we haven't looked back. ♥
Hey, God? Thanks.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Random Update
I've pretty much abandoned this blog I guess. I found a new blog interface that really suited me. But recently it's been acting up. So I'm back here now. Blogging really helps me de-stress. *takes a long deep breath*
So anyway, Christmas just passed and I'm really not a bit fan of it. So it's pretty much mreh to me. What I got for christmas this year are:
Should I try writing them down? Perhaps. Will I remember what they are? Not really. Mreh.
'Till Next Time.
-=+Aya+=-
So anyway, Christmas just passed and I'm really not a bit fan of it. So it's pretty much mreh to me. What I got for christmas this year are:
- 2000 Pesos - uncle
- Bracelet - Lucia
- Eyeliners - Chiqui
- Boot Shaped Coin Bank - Chiqui
- Chocolates - Andrea
- Escada Perfume - Grandmother
- Bunny Keychain - Donna
- Deck Sleeves - Kail
- Glee Season 1 - Jam
- Glee Soundtrack - Jam
- Thingy for my Phone - Abby
- More Chocolate - Donna
- Awesome Shirt - Earl
Should I try writing them down? Perhaps. Will I remember what they are? Not really. Mreh.
'Till Next Time.
-=+Aya+=-
Sunday, November 8, 2009
-=+The Mist+=-
Time for my first November post! I'm really starting to love this blog. It just sucks that I don't have much time to work on it. So, these have been a rather interesting couple of weeks. Work was still lovably hectic. Back when I was in the 'vacation mode' (the time you spend after you just left a horrendous job and looking for a new one) I always complained to myself that I didn't seem to be very productive. It was annoying how I didn't have a schedule to follow. I have a thing for organization and schedules, you see. I never like having things unplanned, it throws me out of the loop. And that, to me, is a nightmare. LOL.
But sometimes, of course, there are instances when unplanned trips make for one hell of an adventure!
Last night, 11-07-09, was supposedly another caffeinated saturday! I was really looking forward to it, like I always do! This night seemed to be pretty special coz my lolo called up to ask if me and Boogie had anything already planned. I told him ATC as usual, right? Nope. Turns out we're going to our friend, the glamorous and ever talented, THE Nikki Torres. (Yes, the word 'the' must always come before mentioning THE Nikki Torres.) So lolo asked if Boogie could drive since it was already dark out. So of course, Boogie said yes. We all met up at ATC. I bought my baby dinner since he was very hungry. (Awww my baby's always so cute when he's like that *hugs him*)...
*AHEM* ANYWAY!
So myself, lolo and Boogie were in lolo's car. (The luxury car to end all luxury cars. *according to Boogie* lol) Fckmonkey, Monchter and RnBTeddybear were in Monchter's car. (Yes, I like using code names.) THE Nikki Torres was sorely missed. He showed us some of the stuff he was working on and as usual, they were amazing! Coffee at his place was really yummy too! Godiva. I have to remember the name of that brand! Hanging out, sharing stories and laughing out loud, like we always do never grows old.
Somewhere in the span of that evening, Monchter suggested that we head on to Tagaytay. Caffeinated Saturdays are pretty known for being spontaneous, so it was almost a unanimous decision that we go. Before leaving THE Nikki Torres' house, Monchter said that he was leaving to head on to QC. It's funny how it was his idea but he wouldn't be around to implement it.
So, yes, even if it was Monchter's brain child, we still headed out for it. It was really fun! We were bumping tracks from ABBA, Black Sabbath and Queen, singing our hearts out. When we got there, we lowered all the windows down and there started the death of my skin cells! Well, not really. But pretty damn close! It was FREEZING! Of all days to forget and/or decide to not bring a jacket. We got a bit lost coz we took a turn that was leading us back to Alabang already via Molino. So we had to turn around and head on over to Green ATS. The view was supposedly wonderful but since it was pitch black, all we saw were the little twinkling lights. Still the cold was unforgiving!
So what was on the menu that night? Well:
1.) Sizzling Bulalo with Mushroom Gravy
2.) Sizzling Sisig with Egg
3.) Lechong Kawali
4.) 5 pcs. of Pork BBQ
5.) Onion Rings
6.) Garlic Rice good for 2-3 people
7.) 4 cups of steamed rice
8.) 1.5 liters of Coke and Sprite
9.) Free Bulalo Soup
10.) That hut we ate in (Consumable so its worth it)
Boogie, who happens to be I-will-die-if-soup-disappears-from-this-world, was complaining about the soup not having a ladle. Lolo took a lil white saucer to help my boyfriend with his world-ending-problem. On with the happy times!
Conversation was great, the food was really yummy and plans of going again was discussed. So after shelling out moolah for the bill, it was time to head out. It was roughly 2-ish in the morning and the mist had settled in. Anyone who has been to Tagaytay would know that it's basically just one straight line all the way to Sta. Rosa Laguna. So a straight line we followed. The mist was getting really heavy. Like Silent Hill heavy. I must admit I felt a bit nervous. Lolo was amazed at how Boogie could drive around even with heavy fog.
Eerily, we came upon a 'Road Closed' sign that stopped us from going forward. We looked around and saw that there were no other cars. So Boogie did a U-Turn and traced our path back which was in a straight line. Turns out we missed a turn. *Shudders* Usually One Missed Turn would result in cannibal mongoloids trying to make a bulalo out of you, but luckily there was no such thing here...or wasn't there? dun dun dun!
The whole trip back, we were all teasing each other about how every turn we'd take now would lead to People's Park with the 'Road Closed' sign. I think I fell asleep a bit on the drive home. I woke up to a sudden searing pain, looked to my left and asked if someone died. Lolo tugged my shoulder and pointed out to a horrible car accident scene to our right. Don't ask me about the pain coz I dunno either.
We took a bit of a breather at one of the Super Station Lay-by's. The bathrooms there were HUGE!
BY THE WAY, did you know that you lose 1/2 liter of body water when you pee? I sure didn't but that bathroom made damn sure that I did. Thanks a lot, Shell. We drove FckMonkey home, we drove ourselves back to ATC where Cuddles was waiting. (Cuddles is Boogie's and my Yamaha Dragstar 400CC baby). We bid Lolo and RnBTeddyBear adieu and headed on home.
All in all, it was an AMAZING Adventure. 'Till Next Time!
-=+Aya+=-
But sometimes, of course, there are instances when unplanned trips make for one hell of an adventure!
Last night, 11-07-09, was supposedly another caffeinated saturday! I was really looking forward to it, like I always do! This night seemed to be pretty special coz my lolo called up to ask if me and Boogie had anything already planned. I told him ATC as usual, right? Nope. Turns out we're going to our friend, the glamorous and ever talented, THE Nikki Torres. (Yes, the word 'the' must always come before mentioning THE Nikki Torres.) So lolo asked if Boogie could drive since it was already dark out. So of course, Boogie said yes. We all met up at ATC. I bought my baby dinner since he was very hungry. (Awww my baby's always so cute when he's like that *hugs him*)...
*AHEM* ANYWAY!
So myself, lolo and Boogie were in lolo's car. (The luxury car to end all luxury cars. *according to Boogie* lol) Fckmonkey, Monchter and RnBTeddybear were in Monchter's car. (Yes, I like using code names.) THE Nikki Torres was sorely missed. He showed us some of the stuff he was working on and as usual, they were amazing! Coffee at his place was really yummy too! Godiva. I have to remember the name of that brand! Hanging out, sharing stories and laughing out loud, like we always do never grows old.
Somewhere in the span of that evening, Monchter suggested that we head on to Tagaytay. Caffeinated Saturdays are pretty known for being spontaneous, so it was almost a unanimous decision that we go. Before leaving THE Nikki Torres' house, Monchter said that he was leaving to head on to QC. It's funny how it was his idea but he wouldn't be around to implement it.
So, yes, even if it was Monchter's brain child, we still headed out for it. It was really fun! We were bumping tracks from ABBA, Black Sabbath and Queen, singing our hearts out. When we got there, we lowered all the windows down and there started the death of my skin cells! Well, not really. But pretty damn close! It was FREEZING! Of all days to forget and/or decide to not bring a jacket. We got a bit lost coz we took a turn that was leading us back to Alabang already via Molino. So we had to turn around and head on over to Green ATS. The view was supposedly wonderful but since it was pitch black, all we saw were the little twinkling lights. Still the cold was unforgiving!
So what was on the menu that night? Well:
1.) Sizzling Bulalo with Mushroom Gravy
2.) Sizzling Sisig with Egg
3.) Lechong Kawali
4.) 5 pcs. of Pork BBQ
5.) Onion Rings
6.) Garlic Rice good for 2-3 people
7.) 4 cups of steamed rice
8.) 1.5 liters of Coke and Sprite
9.) Free Bulalo Soup
10.) That hut we ate in (Consumable so its worth it)
Boogie, who happens to be I-will-die-if-soup-disappears-from-this-world, was complaining about the soup not having a ladle. Lolo took a lil white saucer to help my boyfriend with his world-ending-problem. On with the happy times!
Conversation was great, the food was really yummy and plans of going again was discussed. So after shelling out moolah for the bill, it was time to head out. It was roughly 2-ish in the morning and the mist had settled in. Anyone who has been to Tagaytay would know that it's basically just one straight line all the way to Sta. Rosa Laguna. So a straight line we followed. The mist was getting really heavy. Like Silent Hill heavy. I must admit I felt a bit nervous. Lolo was amazed at how Boogie could drive around even with heavy fog.
Eerily, we came upon a 'Road Closed' sign that stopped us from going forward. We looked around and saw that there were no other cars. So Boogie did a U-Turn and traced our path back which was in a straight line. Turns out we missed a turn. *Shudders* Usually One Missed Turn would result in cannibal mongoloids trying to make a bulalo out of you, but luckily there was no such thing here...or wasn't there? dun dun dun!
The whole trip back, we were all teasing each other about how every turn we'd take now would lead to People's Park with the 'Road Closed' sign. I think I fell asleep a bit on the drive home. I woke up to a sudden searing pain, looked to my left and asked if someone died. Lolo tugged my shoulder and pointed out to a horrible car accident scene to our right. Don't ask me about the pain coz I dunno either.
We took a bit of a breather at one of the Super Station Lay-by's. The bathrooms there were HUGE!
BY THE WAY, did you know that you lose 1/2 liter of body water when you pee? I sure didn't but that bathroom made damn sure that I did. Thanks a lot, Shell. We drove FckMonkey home, we drove ourselves back to ATC where Cuddles was waiting. (Cuddles is Boogie's and my Yamaha Dragstar 400CC baby). We bid Lolo and RnBTeddyBear adieu and headed on home.
All in all, it was an AMAZING Adventure. 'Till Next Time!
-=+Aya+=-
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