Davao Places

So this is the city where I grew up. I was born and stayed in Manila until I was around 8-9 but Davao is where I spent a huge chunk of my life. It was quite odd that it only struck me recently that I haven't really seen much of Davao. Sure, I've been to some school trips, a few beach trips here and there. Yet they all had the 'you have to go there because it's required' feel to them. I've never really gone to a place because I wanted to. So it was time to change that!
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First stop was Eden Nature Park and Resort. It's about an hour or so (depending on how fast you or your cab driver drives) from the Matina area (that's where we're staying). The road heading there is paved and curved, perfect for bike rides! The park has different day tour packages that requires a reservation but don't worry, it was really easy to do so. (I called around 8pm the previous evening and got the reservation done in about 5 minutes. You pay when you get to the resort.) B and I availed of the P450/pax that had an eat all you can buffet lunch attached to it. So it was totally worth it! We also availed of the shuttle tour of the park. It's a 45-minute tour w/ tour guide that had 3 stop overs for 5 minutes of picture taking. That was around P85/pax so it wasn't bad either.

↑ This is the view the greets you a bit of a ways from the restaurant. And this is at the amphitheater. ↑

↑This is at the Tinubdan area where you can check out old indigenous houses. And this is at Lola's Garden. Ain't the view great? ↑

All in all, it was a really good trip. There are other things to do like the horseback riding or the zip line but B and I were too tuckered out to check those other things out. So, a next trip is definitely in the works! Ü

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The next trip was at Malagos Garden Resort. The entrance fee was P100/pax and that wasn't inclusive of any meals. There wasn't a shuttle to take you around, no tour guide either. Well, sure it was a nice place to go to if you had a tour plan or whatnot but if you're just there to transmute oxygen to carbon dioxide, there's really not much to do aside from seeing different plants and animals. But that doesn't stop yours truly from having fun. Me, B, My lil brother Matt and my dad went around the place and had a blast.

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The third trip was at Paradise Island & Beach Resort. My family and I have been there before, the rates haven't changed much but I was pleasantly surprised to see that they've done a lot of upgrades to the place! The sand was a lot more fine, the service was a lot better, and the general feel of the area was just a bit more different. Better! Even the routes to the villas were made better. They added more things to do, as well! I had a reservation in place, it was easy to make. I just gave the date of arrival, the villas you want to avail of, how many of you will be, and how long you intend to stay. They'll even give you a breakdown of what you'll possibly spend with that. They'll ask for your name and you'll pay when you get there. It was really a great experience! The villas I originally reserved were under repair so we got downgraded to the P2,700 rooms. The rooms were big though, so it was no biggie!

The welcome was great! They have fresh juice and a cold towel waiting for you. You can have lunch by the shore, with the gentle waves lapping at your feet. The food was scrumptious! Their mango shake is a must try! The beds were soft, the pillows were just so inviting. AC and cable TV...all the makings of a couch potato's dream. Also, they added a massage service to their repertoire! Just head on over to the reception area or to the intercom and just set an appointment. P400 for a 1 hour of full body massage. I'm pretty sure that B loved that part!

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So that's what we've been up to lately. B and I are already making plans to hit up Bali-Bali next year. Soon after that, maybe some other tours around the city. When we've exhausted what Davao has to offer, time to head on to Cebu, Bohol, Palawan, Dakak, Hong Kong, Korea, Japan and others. I already have a list ready! ♥

Two Years To The Day

It was quite something to realize that its been 2 years since that night. It really was all such a huge mess. It was crazy. At times I didn't know which way was up but here I am 2 years later. I already wrote the details in my other blog (which has already been deleted since I decided to stick to blogger). I try to reflect what things are different and what things are the same. It truly is odd, how 2 years can change what seems to be a lot but lets you realize that you're staring at the same big picture.
I've been too focused on the outside forces revolving around my relationship and persistently making their presence known. I'm candid enough to state that my relationship with B is far from perfect or ideal. Yet, I've never been one to stick my neck out for the ideal. I like the mess. I like how at every turn I have to fight for something. The struggle that makes everything worth it. Sure its tiring but its when you stop trying that something is truly wrong.
Oh. I haven't posted an entry about Eden and Malagos yet. But that's another story.
So, happy 2nd anniversary, B. :)

Cooking Misadventures

I decided to cook some Mac n' Cheese for the family today. It's been a while since I last did that. I can't even remember when the last time was. But anyway, it was fun! I prefer to make really thick sauce with lots of melted cheese in it. Yes, I know that's ridiculously unhealthy but it suits my taste just fine.
The ingredients I used are:

1. 1/4 kilo of beef
2. 1/2 kilo of pork
3. 1 can of mushrooms
4. 1 big pack of Hunt's Tomato Sauce
5. 1 big pack of Del Monte Spaghetti Sauce (Italian)
6. 1 big pack of Del Monte Spaghetti Sauce (Filipino Style)
7. 1 chopped up onion
8. 1 finely minced clove of garlic
9. Quickmelt
   
10. Pepper, Salt, Sugar and other seasonings

It turned out fine but it could have been better! The shells were a bit overcooked and some of them got burned. It was B's job to look after them, but I guess I forgot to tell him that the heat shouldn't be too high and that the water level shouldn't fall. But that's my fault. Speaking of B, he's passed out right now. He ate only a fistful but the way I make the stuff makes you feel like you ate a tubful. So there's a big pot of sauce that's left on the stove to last us for days to come. B's bloated tummy and his content snores make me one happy chef! ♥

Short Story

Light was sparse in the room that night. The silence weighed heavily upon those within it. A guy and a girl lay upon the bed. Neither of them talking. Neither of them facing each other. They fought again. Angry words were spoken. Pauses filled with unsaid emotion still clung to its occupants, refusing to let go. The girl felt numb. Was it always this way? Will it always be this way? she thought. She tried to summon tears that she knew would make her feel better. They always did. But they failed her today. They never came.

So in the silence and in the darkness, she tried to feel how he was doing. Tried to hear anything. And there it was. The faint yet unmistakable sound of a stifled sob. Ever so slowly she turned to look over her shoulder and saw that his shoulder were shaking. She had done it again. She made him cry.

Carefully she laid on her back, her sorrowful eyes lifted towards the ceiling and pretended to be seeing the dark, starry sky above. Then she started talking in her heart to someone who everyone said would be there. “God, I know that you don’t like hearing my prayers. Or if you do, you never answer them.” She paused to question if she had gone insane, shrugged, then continued.

“We both know that I believe in you even if I act like I don’t. But we both know that he’s always been loyal to you. So if ever you’re going to listen to my prayer..Let it be this one. If there was ever a time you were going to grant me a wish, let it be this…” She glances over at him as he bravely tries to mask his sobs. “Let him find his happiness…I don’t care if it’s not with me. I mean, I’ll care, of course. It’ll hurt a lot. But…he deserves someone who doesn’t make him feel this way. Even if it takes me out of the picture. Let him find his happiness.”

The girl waited for some moments. To see if there would be anything different. There was none. She sighed, prepared to believe that God had once again ignored her. Yet there was a soft whisper in her heart, a warm and calming feeling that came from nowhere. And it spoke to her. “What if I did listen to your prayers and gave you what your wished for? I gave him to you. What if I had already given him his happiness? I gave him, you.”

Tears welled up in her eyes and spilled out. With a smile, she replied to the whisper in her heart. “Then I better treat him a lot better.” She reached out and pulled him into an embrace. “Tell me a wish…” she said. “Whenever we fight and one of us gets hurt like this. The other has to ask the hurt person their wish for the moment and they have to make it come true.” And so they talked, he told her his wishes and she made them come true. She made him happy and in doing so, she realized that he truly was her happiness as well.

We may feel that He never listens or that it’s always up to Him to make this better. But He already gave us everything we need to make things better. All He does is give us a little push.

Of Truth and Lies

A lot of interesting things happened today. Mostly a lot of truths have been brought to light. It ceases to surprise me, what the human heart and mind are capable of. They are capable of of the fiercest love, the most soul enlightening happiness, the crushing despair and the bitterest of betrayals. Yet, as always, perception is subjective. What could bring the most joy for others could be the most earth shattering of heartbreaks for the rest.
What would provoke one to partake of such things? Is it absolute boredom? Is it unending conceit? Is it a loneliness that needs to be assuaged? Is it a pile of up of disappointments finally bubbling forth from its precipice?
Who would want to live a half-lived life? Who wouldn't want to feel so completely and utterly alive?
However, as always, there is a cost to be paid. Would it be worth it? The briefest moments of pleasure could yield the most saturating sensation of pain.
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What do you have to offer her? What exists that you have not taken? Yet, she, like a lamb for slaughter, innocently bleats. Knowing full well the hardships ahead, she still treads. Is that courage? Is that stupidity? Is that a broken heart begging to be made whole even if for a few moments of lies?
She knows.
Yet she persists.
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"Repetition does not transform a lie into a truth."
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"A lie told often enough becomes the truth."
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What is love anyway? I have uttered it enough.
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A heart beats fast; awaiting him.
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How much more until it is enough?

Structure

So as tonight, I'd usually be playing Sims 3 but I wanted something different. Well, not so different since I'm watching Gossip Girl season 2. So anyway, I got to the episode where Nate reconnects with his Kennedy-esque family. It's all ostentatious and all but I find myself a tad jealous. They have family reunions, family games, and other things. They all have issues, of course -- what family doesn't? Yet, its the tradition that they stick to. They commemorate the start of their family and they reminisce on the people that had gone...
And that's where it hits me. It hits quite hard. Who amongst the departed do I remember? Who do I commemorate and miss? I remember as far as my paternal and maternal grandparents yet nothing beyond that. I do not even know if they had brothers or sisters. Well, that's a lie, I do know if they had siblings. Yet, I don't think I've met them. Or if I had, I sincerely do not recall. What I do remember are stories on how they may have been horrible.
My aunt Tish regales me of stories of grand reunions with her clan. She even invited me to go. I turned her down. It would seem so odd to celebrate a family that was not mine. What do I celebrate about my family? Not much. We all hardly talk to each other. Everyone's too busy with their lives and their wealth. Coming from a privileged background, you'd think we'd all have the decency and breeding to stay in touch. Oh well, I suppose that's asking for too much. Although, I still am jealous. I want something like that. I want something stable to fall back on. I want to be certain that I'll be surrounded by smiles and family. I want a noisy breakfast with bickering and jokes and a warm meal.
Is that asking for too much? --That's not whiny or anything; it's a truly heartfelt question.
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Geh. I'm hungry.

Unsurprised

I suppose 'twas only a matter of time before you return to your roots. I have mentioned in a previous post that I do hope for the best, but I am not a fool. Nor, do I choose to blind myself with the inevitability of your actions.

Like I said, it was only a matter of time.

I wonder, is it worth it?
What odd sense of pleasure do you get from acting like a most unmitigated and atrocious ass?

Of course the pang and sting of betrayal is still there, yet, it seems that it is not as great or as trouble as times past. I guess you've desensitized me. I guess I should be thankful for that. Yet, I know that I shouldn't thank you for anything.

How utterly selfish you are. That, I realize, is unlikely to change.
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I've finished playing Fable III.
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On a lighter note, I've recently discovered a lot of packaged tours around the city and other parts of Davao. They all seem wonderful and I thought that it was time that I partook of the culture that my fair city prides itself in.

Also, mother's birthday is next month and it's time to make preparations. I've researched a couple of resorts that she'd like. It's nearby and won't break the budget at all. I just have to coordinate with Ni-chan so we can plan things smoothly. I hope mother's leave gets approved.
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I've been rekindling my love affair with Multiply. It isn't a full flame yet but maybe it'll get there.
I guess I'm bored again.
I need to work my boredom away.

24 and a Day

So, I turned 24 yesterday...and like always, I don't feel any different. :\

What do I usually do when the big 10-29 rolls around? I usually sit down and compare my thoughts, feelings, situations to the many 10-29's of years past. I reflect on the things that I may have upgraded or downgraded to be. So let's see...

-I'm still not used to being stared at whenever I go in public. (Am I really that much of an oddity?)
-I would still rather stay in and vegetate rather than go to the mall on a regular basis.
-I find that I have an increasing urge to travel this country or any other.
-I am more world weary as compared to my last year starry-eyed self.
-As always, the only birthday memories that stand out are during my 18th and 22nd celebrations.
-I'm still wishing that something special would happen.

Usually people would ask me what I want for my birthday. The thing is...I don't want to have to be asked what I want for my birthday or what I want it be like. I'd like to believe that those around me would know me well enough to know what I would like.

Now, at 24, it's like a pebble has sank into my heart.
I'm an endless romantic in an unromantic life.

Or so it seems so far.
What I haven't given up on (and isn't likely to change) is hope. I always hope for the best and I know it'll always get better. ♥

Sentimental Me

I had recently gotten into photo shopping and such and I while I was studying the different styles and such, I suddenly missed my dear friend, Donna. So D, I made this one for you!

Relocated, Relieved and Some Others

So, it's been an interesting couple of days. B and I got moved to another room as the room that he and I had occupied previously garnered some complaints from the neighbor. Something about me and B being too noisy or some other. Usually, that would bother me and they probably have a right to complain. Mum says the neighbor's daughter is the one that complains. The neighbors daughter is a nursing student aka she's needs sleep like a sponge takes in water. So B and I really try to be quiet when we have our talks 'til morning episodes. Yet, apparently, nursing girl has other complaints. This time, our BED is too noisy.

Wow. Why don't you go buy us a different bed then, eh? Turns out neighbor girl got herself knocked up. Wow. No wonder she lacks sleep. So she is now dubbed 'Ms. Statistic'.

So in order to avoid Ms. Statistic from miscarrying and bringing forth drama, we did get relocated to a different room. No problems, this room is a lot colder. I try to not think about how Ms. Statistic's kid will be making a hell of a lot of fuss when it pops out.

I find that I don't like kids unless they're my own or belong to those I care about. Yes, I'm a blunt about that.
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So B and I got settled into our new room. It's helluva cold so I got no complaints. It serves as a good distraction from other thoughts in my head that demand attention.
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Congratulations to my dearest friend Cyn for bringing forth a lovely baby boy into this world. Thank goodness that you and the little one are safe. I have to say I nearly had a heart attack when your water broke while I was talking to you.
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Paycheck got in yesterday so I am one happy girl ♥
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I'm glad that my friend finally knows the truth. She really doesn't deserve the shit you put her through. One would think that you'd buck up and prove that you deserve her rather than shrug, brood, be all emo and feed your self image of being a tragic character.
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My ni-chan's birthday is coming up on the 17th so I better think of a present to get him. Ü

So Many Thoughts Too Early

I cannot say that "I haven't written lately" as my job requisites that I be able to express critical and original thought daily. Yet, why do I feel so constricted? It is an intangible feeling of being bound by something that I cannot see or feel. Yet I know it is there. I wonder if it has something to do with the silence that I have imposed upon myself lately. I have opted to quiet my thoughts, to focus upon myself and my immediate surroundings.

For a while, I was able to feel a bit of peace. It was...lovely. I suppose. Yet even with the lull of peace in my thoughts, it was there, it the pit of my stomach--the knowledge that I am frustrated about something again.

Is it something new? Is it something that has always been with me? The disquiet in my soul stirs much thought. I have that urge again, to close my eyes and imagine endless fields...to see myself running across them with not a care for the world. How I wish it was so. That I could spread my arms and run as carefree and as fast as my stubby legs could manage.

My mother will be returning from her vacation tomorrow. I'm certain that she has many a wonderful tale to share.

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I've always been proud of the fact that I am most honest when I am writing. I wonder if there is anything else that I wish to say...

Yes. There is.

I am...angry.

To what it is directed at, I am uncertain.

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There is a dull ache I bear. The kind that doesn't leave...at least, not permanently. Why do I feel so unsettled? I would be simple if I could just stop caring about things that people tell me aren't important anyway. Yet I often find myself wondering, who are they to tell me what is or isn't important? Our minds aren't the same. What if the things they deem to be a nuisance are focal interests to me?

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I feel that there is a ruthlessness in me that I am not surprised nor wary of.

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Artifice. Pretense. Sleight. Stratagem.

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I want you to burn.

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Time of me to take a deep breath.

Magsie

This was something I wrote a few weeks after I had miscarried. I read it every now and then to remind me what's important and what I had promised.

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My darling daughter,

How are things up there? I hope that you're well. It's only been a few weeks since God decided you were too awesome for human eyes and thought that you should stay up there.

Mommy's really trying to be strong without you, honey. Things aren't so easy. I know that you probably would pout at me when I tell you this but I still can't help but cry about you and over you a lot of the time. Daddy's trying to be strong too. I'm sure you know that Father's Day just passed. I took daddy to the mall and we got to see some big bikes. I'm sure you would have loved that too. You always were into what daddy was...

It doesn't get any easier, Magsie. You represented all that was best in me. Mommy can't seem to find those things in her now...but I'm trying very, very, very hard. You probably would have been tougher than I am. Probably more stubborn too.

Was mommy mean to you while you were here? Did mommy ever not feed you enough? Did I rest enough for you? I think about that a lot lately. There were so many things I was dying to tell you...to show you. We probably would have fought some too. Your dad would be caught in the middle, as always. We'd probably laugh at the faces he'd make.

Is it okay if mommy cries for a little bit longer? I've been hiding behind smiles all my life and that seemed to help but losing you broke something in me....I really, really love you, Magsie. I wish I could have gotten to see you even once but they all didn't think it was a good idea. I guess they're right..

Mommy doesn't recognize much of her life anymore, lol, you changed me that much in the 6 months we were together. It's tiring...telling everyone that I'm okay. It's tiring that I have to pretend that it's fine...when all I want to do is sleep and keep on sleeping. It's only then that I get to see you...but that's not good right? You'd want mommy to be out and about.

Don't worry, when I want to, mommy is good at convincing people that she's okay. It's so they won't worry about me so much. But you can keep a secret right? Just between us girls. :)

Maybe mom's heart will heal one day.

Give my love to your great-grandfather, your grandfather, aunts and uncles up there, if they're up there, that is.

All the love I possess,

Mommy

Fearless? Hardly.

Today, I did a lot of thinking. Actually, lately, it seems that thinking is all I do. I wanted to assure myself that I'm still on a track that I recognize or approve of.

A lot of things have changed with me. I noticed that I've become unhappy a lot. I've become a lot more irritable and I mostly blow up at B. I refuse to talk to him whenever I get upset and he patiently waits for me to calm down every time. A lot of the time I think to myself that I have every right in the world to be upset. But while in the midst of the selfish reverie, I notice that, that is exactly what I've become.

Selfish

I've lived my life for myself. I've done things as I deemed necessary or upon a whim. And I've continued to do so. I've always hated to having my freedom clipped or to not have choices. I realize that it's stupid of me really to want so much. I'm not saying it's bad or anything. It's never bad to want things. It's only when you continue to pine for things at the expense of yourself or others...that's when it becomes a problem.

I love B. I always have and I probably always will. There are so many things about him that annoy me from time to time. He's always honest about his priorities even though they may not be the best interest at the time. And it constantly annoyed me. How he'd be off in his happy little world comprised of bikes or games or both. I was always frustrated that it seemed that I was the one who had to deal with the nitty-gritty of life. What are our plans? Where will be 5 years from now?

I'd always say that I'm tired of everything. Of being responsible for everything and I get even crabbier at him. Then I realize that I am tired a lot of the time because I tried to tackle things solo. But a relationship isn't about doing things as one sees fit or proper. A relationship is a clash of ideals and ideas. Two people that have different thoughts and perspectives that despite it all, manage to get along and move forward. Sometimes it comes out all wrong but other times it comes out as one of the most wonderful things ever.

I really should stop shouldering everything by myself. That's why I have B with me. I told him a long time ago that even though there was a lot about him that may get on my nerves from time to time, it isn't my job to try and change him. That's up to him. It's just up to me to understand him and figure out if it's all worth it. If it isn't, cut your loses and get out. What's the point of the hassle if you don't even think its worth it?

Despite our differences, we've come a long way. 21 months of relationship, over 7 years of friendship between us.

We really can't make people change. But it is a wonderful thing if those people change little nuances about themselves to better the situation or the relationship because you're worth it.

I really don't know where the future leads for myself and for him. We will always have arguments but it will always be overshadowed by the laughter and the abject stupidity that he and I share.

It is terrifying to share so much of myself to another person but what's life without a little fear?

I love you, B. Happy 21st month.

2010

It's been a while. So many things have happened since my last post. It would be rather ridiculous if nothing had happened before then. Don't you agree? So, let's try to see what I remember of the year so far.

• I got engaged. Boogie proposed to me February 26, 2010. We've been talking about marriage and such but who'd have thought it would happen this soon? Not that I have complaints or anything. :)
• I got pregnant. Seems that I've been pregnant since December 2009. Boogie was ecstatic! I've never seen him happier. He made such a fuss at the first ultrasound. He was jumping up and down and talking in a very loud obnoxious voice. I cried when I first saw it. It looked like an egg more than anything but there it was. Our precious little baby. Due around September 29 of 2010
  
• I moved in with Boogie's family. Since I was staying by myself it was only logical that I move in with them. Boog's mom was such an angel about it. I remember when Boogie broke the news she ran all over their house yelling 'Grandkid! Grandkid!' at the top of her lungs.
• I got sick a lot. But I suppose that only natural given my condition. I was ordered to absolute bed rest. Who'd have thought I'd be the type to have a sensitive pregnancy?
• Boog and I decided to move to Davao for the remainder of my pregnancy. Manila life was totally stressful, it seems. It was hard to say good-bye to all our friends but we figured that it'll only be 'bye for a little while'. After all, Earl and Kail had promised to come visit after I had given birth. So did a bunch of other people. :)
• A few weeks after we arrived in Davao, I got very, very sick. I was rushed to the hospital. Everything was a blur. I was in isolation most of my stay there. I thought everything was going to be okay...but in the end, our daughter, Magsie, couldn't make it. She was only 6 months in the womb...she looked exactly like her dad. The same eyes and the same nose. But she had my complexion, she was really fair. The family was really a pillar of strength at this time. Seeing Boogie cry over Magsie broke my heart. The day was June 6, 2010 at 10:44 pm.
  
• I'm quite recovered, physically, anyway. The heart will take longer to heal.
  
• I'm torn. We haven't quite decided if we're returning to Manila soon. But Boogie has plans on perhaps returning there and working for a few months if not longer. But we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
• I get to work again. My bosses have been nice enough to allow me to work from home. I hope they can let me keep at it but I know that it would unreasonable to ask for that.
• I'm still engaged. We've been together since December 2008 and we haven't looked back. ♥

Every single day is a different charm unto itself. I feel like I've changed a lot in the brief 6 months that I've had my Magsie with me. It still hurts to think that she won't be here with me and her dad but we're getting by. Now, Boogie and I do our best of make ourselves into people that she could be proud of. I know in my heart of hearts that I'm changing for the better.

Hey, God? Thanks.